Lame Attempts At Relevance (Part 10)

The Elephant Room conference has caused a lot of controversy in recent times. Most particularly because of certain people who have been invited. I must point out that I am positive about many of the people who were invited to the first Elephant Room conference as well as part 2 that will take place in January. But a few of the guests have left many of us scratching our heads as to what is going on with this conference organized by Pastor James Macdonald. Based on my own limited experience of his preaching as well as all the reports I have heard, James Macdonald is an excellent expositor with a lengthy track record of faithful Gospel preaching - hence the confusion over what he is doing with his conference. I would say that my major grievance with the Elephant Room conference is that the invitation of certain false teachers has left them with another elephant in the room. I hope to discuss this in more detail next week, but before I do that, I thought it necessary to induct another Elephant Room invitee into the "Lame Attempts At Relevance" hall of shame.

If Perry Noble is the tough guy of seeker sensitivity then Steven Furtick is the rock star. And the jury is out as to whether Jesus could even be the opening act for the Steven Furtick show. Furtick doesn't seem to have much time to focus on biblical content in his sermons, which is understandable when you consider how interesting his own life is and the amount of effort he is putting into new and innovative ways to attract people to his church who are dead in sin. And let's face it, a lot of creativity and innovation is required to get dead people to do anything:



3D is about as culturally relevant as 1950's science fiction. Like the poster reveals, 3D was a cutting edge cinematic experience in the 50's. Maybe those churches that are fixated with 80's music aren't thirty years behind after all - at least they're thirty years in front of Furtick. But judging by the size of his congregation, this schtick still works with a lot of people. And that raises another interesting point, what is the purpose of church? Well, Pastor Steven is not short for a word on this subject either:



It would be of tremendous help to Furtick if he actually looked up what the word church means. The Greek word translated church in the New Testament is ekklesia, a compound word composed of ek, meaning "from." or "out of," and kaleo "to call." Together the two words mean, called from, or out of, denoting a company of people chosen and called. A people chosen and called out of the world. Newsflash Pastor Steven, church is for Christians because that is precisely what it is made up of. By all means welcome unbelievers, but when they come try preaching about Jesus Christ instead of about yourself! I am curious to know if anyone has any audio of Furtick actually preaching the Gospel because it seems to be very difficult to find. However, it has been much easier to find videos of Furtick explaining his views on biblical discernment:



Discerners (and admittedly there are bad ones out there) are not the only people that Steven takes aim at. Furtick's seminary training really shines through when he tells his congregation the theological reason why some people don't like rock music in church - "it's because they're stupid!" It also has to be said that Furtick is not overly fond of his critics. So much so, that Steven decided to channel all of his creative energies into a music video dedicated to his critics:



Can you feel the love tonight? But why finish with the lame story of a wannabe rock star pastor? Here is something that is exceedingly creative, innovative, compelling, and . . . . . explains the Gospel! Pastor Steven Furtick, please stop making videos and watch this one instead. It will teach you how to fill a lot of the "gaps" in your ministry:



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Lame Attempts At Relevance (Part 9)

It is pretty easy to figure out how much confidence the Dykstras have in the power of the Gospel. "Pastor" Eric, why not preach the Gospel like it is the only hope for a hell bound world and training people in your "church" to evangelize instead of telling them to "invite people to church"! Yes it is awkward to invite an unregenerate sinner to church - just as it is awkward to invite a corpse at the morgue over to your house for tea and scones. All you are achieving by appealing to the carnal flesh of carnal men is to gather them in a room to see if it can be fed by your X-boxes and flat screens and cars (yes, they give away cars as well). This all amounts to a massive vote of no confidence in the forgiveness of sins and imputed righteousness on offer because of Jesus Christ's ultimate sacrifice of fulfilling the law that we have broken and enduring the wrath that we deserve on a rugged cross 2000 years ago. Why is this uninteresting to the audience? Because when the law of God, and the righteousness of God, and the judgement of God is not preached then sinners will never hunger and thirst after righteousness.

But the lameness doesn't end here for Eric Dykstra. Like Perry Noble in Part 8 Eric is a wannabe tough guy and give blue collar tough guy lectures in relevance. Just as it is tragic when glam rockers from the 70's still get around in spandex, the same effect occurs when middle aged Dykstra tries to connect with the men in his audience by saying the word "dude" a lot and using unbelievably bad hermeneutics . . .



Earth to Eric - Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure came out in the 80's! Young people have moved on from the space cadet speeches where sentences all finished with the word "dude". Get a life and start preaching the Gospel - if you know it! Once again, this amounts to more pathetic lame attempts at relevance. And Eric, why not start submitting to the biblical text instead of abusing it for your useless pep talks with no Gospel content.

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Lame Attempts At Relevance (Part 8)

Warning: some pop culture references in this post may require the assistance of someone who was alive during the 70's!

When I went to school there were always guys who did things to act tough. One really impressive way to bring some serious intimidation onto the playground was to wear a Kiss T-shirt and stuff a packet of cigarettes up the sleeve. I can just imagine Chuck Norris fleeing in terror at the sight of one of these guys! Well, lame tough guy routines did not escape the notice of church growth experts.

Pastor Perry Noble is a bizarre byproduct of the consumer driven, seeker sensitive, church growth movement. He is the new wave of what I call reverse psychology seeker sensitivity. Why not attract people to your church by acting tough and offending them with your tough guy talk. Why bother with the offense of the Gospel when you can do it yourself by being an obnoxious jerk behind the safety of a pulpit and a microphone . . .



Can you feel the love tonight . . . .

Wow!!! Pastor Perry thinks he's the big man in town - look out Leroy Brown! Talking tough to the sheep. Maybe he found some new paraphrase that says:

"If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the 99 on the mountains and verbally abuse the one that went astray . . . and refuse to visit it in hospital . . . unless of course it is pronounced dead" PNSBV (Perry Noble Sheep Beating Version).

The Apostle Peter might have known a thing or two about the job description of a shepherd of God's flock:

So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. (1 Peter 5:1-3)

So what Bible are you reading Perry?

Paul says that a Shepherd must:

be above reproach the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome (1 Timothy 3:2b-3a)

But clearly Pastor Perry has a slightly different hermeneutical approach and maybe some members of his church have cause for complaint with their song selection for worship services:



(That video was from the Elephant Room conference where Noble was interviewed by James MacDonald and Mark Driscoll. For the life of me I cannot see the point of flying Perry Noble to a conference to discuss the merits of adding "Highway to Hell" to the hymnal. Nonetheless there will be a lot more said about the Elephant Room conference in later posts.)

Perry is about as tough and manly as that guy in the Kiss T-shirt with the cigarette packet stuffed up his sleeve . . . but that would be an emasculating insult to chain smoking Kiss fans everywhere! How about we finish it with some real men instead of pathetic wannabes like Noble who clearly know nothing on the subject. A couple of young guys who never pastored a seeker sensitive mega church but knew a whole lot about real biblical manhood:



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Lame Attempts At Relevance (Part 7)

It has been common for me to hear Christian ministers and missionaries tell me that we should not use words that todays generation doesn't understand. Words like "sin" and "repent" need to be re-phrased as "mistake" and "change". The Ten Commandments are now the ten suggestions. The Bible is now helpful rather than authoritative. And worship leaders fight very hard to remain marginally less than 30 years behind the contemporary music of our day. In keeping with that train of seeker sensitive thought, how about someone tell the clown in this video that the word "record" (ie. a vinyl LP like what my father listened to in the 70's) disappeared ten years before any people in this audience were even born!



The fight for many "churches" to be "relevant" just continues to trawl new depths of sheer stupidity. How about a semi popular gay-band song from the 80's that most of us can't even remember? Setting aside the obvious personal hygiene issues that this video raises, try and contemplate the creativity required to take an old song and replace one word with the Name of my Lord. Why not try preaching the riveting subject of the person and work of Christ! Why not heed this rebuke from Art Azurdia:



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Lame Attempts At Relevance (Part 6)

During my recent trip down under I met with an old friend who pastors a church in the greater Brisbane area. He is a biblically solid believer but has an all too common desire to break down "barriers" that hinder young people from coming to church and hearing the Gospel. With that in mind he had the organ removed from their church building. I'm not too fussed either way on the whole issue but I have to confess that I encountered another "Lame Attempt At Relevance" when visiting his fellowship. In place of the organ was a modern rock worship band with a . . . . smoke machine! My good friend doesn't seem to realize that replacing an organ with a smoke machine is akin to moving forward from the 1870's to the 1970's.



I guess Gary Numan was cool in the 70's. He certainly wasn't spending much time in the sun. But newsflash - people born in the 70's are no longer what a pastor might class as youth (oh the painful twang of age I feel as I write this). They are people approaching or entrenched in middle age. They have more interest in an affordable mid life crisis than they do in crossing the "smoke machine bridge" to salvation. One of my friends recently showed a video of Paul Washer preaching to a group of non-Christian co-workers. It held their attention from beginning to end. Why? Because there is nothing more relevant than sin, righteousness, and judgment - and preaching that as if your life depends on it!



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Lame Attempts At Relevance (Part 5)

Ed Young Jr's secret to winning over unchurched people in the 21st century certainly has a lot to do with his study of the latest trends that emerge in his surrounding culture. It would certainly seem the billboard on the right did not escape Pastor Ed's eagle eye of relevance. It is certainly a persuasive advertisement for 3D movie technology and how it is the latest, greatest, and coolest thing to ever hit our screens. Except for one small oversight - this 3D promotional poster is from the 1950's - yes, more than 50 years ago! I am already drafting my apology to all churches that use 80's music as a lure for people who were born after 1990. Their lameness does not even come close to the new dizzy heights achieved by Ed Young Jr!

The following quotes that appear in italics are from the Dallas Morning News who ran a story on Young's "latest innovation":

To Young, taking advantage of the latest 3-D craze is just another way to reach people who might not otherwise come to church. "Christmas is the best time of the year for people to give God a shot," he said.

What does he mean by "give God a shot"? That people should visit his aisle in the idol supermarket? That he lives in the hope that his god might measure up to the requirements of discerning pagans? "Hey you've tried everything else, why not try out my god!"

"What a great opportunity for the church," Young said. "3-D is so hot."

This reminds me of every item of clothing in my wardrobe. Yes it is all "so hot" - it's just that the era I wore each item never happened to coincide with the historical moment when it was "so hot".

Young emerged from a critique session after the service to say he was "blown away" by how things went, but would be working with staff to improve instructions for when people should put on and take off the glasses.

Great to see Ed Young Jr prioritizing his time like all good shepherds should - as the CEO of a marketing firm with a low view of their clients!

Dave Travis, managing director of Dallas-based Leadership Network - a firm that advises churches in growth strategies - said as far as he knows this is the first time churches have used 3-D.

Wow - only 50 years after the cinemas caught on to the idea! Maybe there is a reason why churches have never used 3D. Maybe they were too busy doing stuff like . . . . I don't know . . . . preaching??!!!

Most in attendance gave a big thumbs-up, though some added that the makers of Avatar shouldn't feel threatened. "It was old school, like when 3-D first came on," said Marque Ross.

So it didn't quite measure up to James Cameron's work? What a surprise . . .

"It's a little cheesy, but cheese works," said Ed Young, pastor of the Grapevine-based megachurch. On Saturday night about 4,000 people - nearly a full house - came for the first of the church's well-advertised 3-D Christmas services. Adults and children alike each got a pair of paper-frame glasses with red and blue plastic lenses. They donned them for three brief videos shot in 3-D. The third re-created a real-life episode from last Christmas, in which Young's dogs got into the living room and tore up gift packages.

We're talking quality cheese here! Watching dogs eat gift wrapping through red and blue plastic lenses certainly has deep seated connections with the Christmas story . . . somehow . . . actually I need some help on this one . . .

After that video, the lights went up, and Young himself, fully dimensional in jeans and a sweater, appeared on stage. "You can take your glasses off now," he said, laughing. He then preached on the Christmas story, arguing that accepting Jesus as savior is the way to find depth in life.

Jesus does not need our acceptance Ed, but it seems that you need the world's. Unfortunately, embracing the latest craze from the 50's may not be the best way to go about it.

Ed Young Jr has now appeared twice in the "Lame Attempts At Relevance" archive making him a true hall of shamer.

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Lame Attempts At Relevance (Part 4)

Ed Young is a straightforward communicator who uniquely connects God's unchanging truth with a diverse culture through compelling and creative teaching methods. He is the founding and Senior Pastor of Fellowship Church. The church has its main campus just north of the DFW Airport and operates three satellite campuses in the greater Dallas/Fort Worth area and one in Miami, Florida.

At least that is what the Ed Young Jr PR machine says about him. Ed is definitely an innovator at finding ways for middle aged men to look stupid to an audience that is half their age while promoting a Hillsong conference at the same time. And what better medium to convey this profound lame attempt at relevance than hip hop!



I have to say that this video certainly changed my perception of Hillsong's conference. Whereas I once considered it as an affront to true Christianity, I now see it as an affront to the general public as a whole. But the fake tattoo gives certainly Ed some "street cred" with bubble gum tattoo'd children worldwide. And the cavalcade of false teachers was certainly impressive in its diversity as well as the first public recognition of Joel Osteen's emerging mullet. Ed Young Jr is certainly hall of fame material in the "Lame Attempts at Relevance" archive!

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Lame Attempts At Relevance (Part 3)

Maybe you're thinking "what could possibly be more cool and relevant for the 21st century than worship band cover versions of 80's music or breakdancing to Hillsong?" Hey - nothing says hip relevance like a motorbike in the sanctuary!



So how cool was that!!? Obviously the pastor is familiar with that obscure biblical verse that says "He that rideth a motorbike into the midst of the congregation will give the Gospel clarity and maketh himself popular to the perishing thereby making Jesus more popular and cool to become a Christian" - Megaliar 13:22

This video is actually poetic and a great metaphor for much of what is going on in "modern Christianity". Now I'm not going to condemn someone for riding a motorcycle into the sanctuary (though you could probably make a good case for it) but it does summise the many endless lures modern churches often try in order to get converts and grow. The crash is a metaphor for the world looking on and laughing because they can see through the lame ideas. The rider getting up after the crash and waving his arms going "It's all cool - I meant to do that" is metaphoric of how to reassure the congregation that everything is under control and "we're definitely heading in the right direction".

On a subliminal level it is an admission that the Gospel does not have enough power in and of itself. I cannot say this for certain in every individual case but it is certainly a prevalent thought among many congregational leaders and perpetuated by church growth experts. But it is a suicidal road trying to add to the Gospel. It both obscures it and distorts it.

The church is relevant because we are different. We offer a message that is unique and is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to those who are being saved it is the power of God unto salvation (1 Cor 1:18).

It has become cliched and popular to use the bogus quote of Francis of Assisi (bogus because there is no proof that he said it) "Preach the gospel, if necessary use words". That is like saying "wash always, if necessary use water". The Gospel is not visual but verbal which is why Paul said "how shall they HEAR unless a preacher is sent".

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Lame Attempts At Relevance (Part 2)

Nominations are now being sought for further "lame attempts at relevance" because there are plenty out there. Part 1 involved the stock standard staple of the modern seeker church - a second rate cover version of an 80's song. My satire and mocking of the decade that brought us mullets, M&Ms, and Miami Vice should not make me immune from subjection to the same historical scrutiny. And my old friend, Paul from Adelaide, gleefully took the opportunity to drag an 80's skeleton out of my very own closet in the comments section of Part 1 - let's just say that I have owned cassettes in the past that I hope remained buried in the past. So thanks Paul for the humiliation.

Continuing in that 80's vein, what could be more fitting than a fusion between breakdancing and Hillsong. Now I am not Simon Cowell and I am in no position to claim much talent in the area of the creative arts. But can someone please explain to me why this video makes me laugh so much and if I need to remove the "talent plank" out of my own eye first.



That was certainly different to what I usually experience on a sunday morning. I can almost hear Paul from Adelaide running back to my closet to drag the next skeleton off the rack! Now Paul, I am aware that I posses the worst moonwalk ever seen in the first world (my moonwalk strategy involves lots of hand movement in the hope that it will divert people's gaze away from my lack of foot movement). I know my wife loves to invite me to perform it at most social gatherings we attend as a blessing to keep me humble. So perhaps I should not be laughing in the light of all my own 80's baggage. And perhaps the guy in this video is a godly man with a sincere motive to honor Christ. But I am still left wondering if "breakdance meets Hillsong worship" is the new cutting edge of church growth strategies. How does this minister to you?

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Lame Attempts At Relevance (Part 1)

I just cannot believe the downward spiral that is modern seeker sensitive churches and their attempts to stay at the "cutting edge" of cultural relevance. RC Sproul was quoted as saying:

If there were such a thing as a seeker, what would he be seeking? The church growth movement seems to believe he would be seeking more of the same. In a world consumed with lighthearted entertainment, we offer up less professional, less entertaining lighthearted entertainment? Why, I keep wondering, would a “seeker” get up on a Sunday morning, and travel to some giant box to hear a third rate rock band preceding a third rate comic giving a third rate “message” that leaves him in the same state that he arrived in?

Hyperbole perhaps, but very close to the mark nonetheless. I can't help but believe that the following conversation has happened at the leadership level of hundreds of Willow Creek/Saddleback style churches.

Senior Pastor: Numbers are falling and those that come fall asleep during the service. We need to do something about this.

Youth Pastor: The key is reaching the youth. We need to get twenty-somethings attending regularly.

Late thirties/early forties Associate Pastor with a mullet and a mid life crisis: How about some 80's music (to reach people born after 1995). After all 80's music was very cool in the 80's!.

Senior Pastor and Youth Pastor together: Wow, why hasn't anyone thought of this before . . . like ever?

Associate Pastor: Why not get our worship team to present a poor man's version of a Van Halen song about suicide. I'm sure a lot of people would relate to that.

Worship Pastor: Right on man! I'll even get the bass player to jump one time during the second chorus. That should shatter the stereotype many people have that Christians aren't edgy and cool! Let's show the general public that we are the equal of any Bon Jovi tribute band going around right now!

Associate Pastor: Hey, and I'll see if I can find some Bible verses with the word "jump" in them! With so many lousy paraphrases to choose from I'm sure I'll find something.



Just check out the throng of trendy youth "getting down" in the church hall. Maybe they really did hit on something here - after all it got 96 hits on youtube!

It never ceases to amaze me that the most relevant thing of all is the ultimate statistic (one out of one people die) and it is also often the most neglected from the pulpit. Death and judgment will strike every man and it is the key to awakening the conscience and arousing our thirst for the righteousness found only in Christ. The law and the Gospel presented faithfully and passionately is as riveting as it gets.



Go On To Part 2