The internet was aflame over the last week because of this shocking photo of Kirk Cameron. It would seem that Lane Chaplin managed to catch him blowing out candles on his birthday cake - with only one bystander in the picture!!!! This has certainly exposed Kirk for the fraud he really is. All those years of lying about the massive attendances that his birthday parties draw. Starring in a blockbuster independant movie, the 140000 fans on his Facebook page, the big beautiful family, the interviews on O'Reilly and Larry King, pretending to be this guy called Mike Seaver - all of this was a carefully orchestrated conspiracy to make the general public believe that he was popular. And this photo is conclusive proof of his secret double life! Kirk's life is so pathetic he's only ever been married once! And his six children show him up as a selfish jerk with no concern for global over-population. He's not even smart enough to come on board with all the clear thinking people out there who accept that everything was created by nothing.
But why stop with Kirk? I thought I should take it upon myself to expose a lot of other deceptions going on out there that you might not be aware of. This blog has no place for gossip - I am posting this because my precious readers deserve to know the truth!
Take Brad Pitt for example. He is not as much of a "ladies man" as you might think. In real life he actually pays Angelina Jolie to appear in pictures with him. This is just a deceptive veneer for a very lame and tragic existence. In real life Brad finds it so hard to get a girl that he has decided to dress like one instead. And let's face it, that dress is so 90's!
And then there is the great hoax of Barack Obama's athletic prowess. He continually poses for press shots playing all sorts of different sporting activities. Anyone can look athletic and coordinated in a still. But the sad truth is that Barack has always been a bumbling nerd who can't even aim up right when it comes to kissing his wife. Let's just say that his wedding video had a lot of outtakes. Few people know that back in the 80's Obama actually turned down the role of Steve Urkel in favor of pursuing a political career.
And who would have known that Johnny Depp thought he needed to dress like a pirate in order to illegally download and copy movies. Johnny is clearly not the sharpest tool in the shed. Earth to Johnny - internet piracy does not require sailing the caribbean in an old wooden ship shouting "arrrrghhhh".
What about the little known fact that Hollywood heartthrob Matt Damon is really a Hollywood heart attack waiting to happen. And let's face it, if you had all the money in the world then you would eat In'N'Out animal style three times a day as well! The Matt Damon you see at the movies is really just a digitally enhanced version of the guy you see in the picture. We're talking a lot of digital enhancement!
But George Clooney takes fake popularity to a whole new level. Here he is snapped at a recent fan club convention together with the President, Founder, Treasurer and General Secretary.
After all, it wasn't talent that got George all those leading roles. No, it was money! It is only a select few of us who are aware that Clooney did not make his fortune from the box-office as can be seen by the crowds lining up to see his latest movie. No, George actually made his fortune from an investment mistake in the 1970's when he attempted to purchase a large stake in the fruit industry by buying a lot of shares off a guy called Steve Jobs. The rest, they say, is show business!
Yes this whole thing is just a satire in response to all the cheap shots being taken at Kirk by "cyber warriors" who spend their lives hiding behind computer monitors with a keyboard in their hands. I have met Kirk Cameron on numerous occasions and met his family. He is someone I count it an honor to know and someone who epitomizes what real manhood is all about. Loving his wife, discipling his family, and serving the Lord Jesus Christ. Tragically, the blogosphere seems to esteem Brangelina, Botox, and busted marriages more highly.
The saddest thing about the whirlwind surrounding Kirk's picture is that his ministry has just produced something far more interesting that matters and is changing lives. Please go and watch it instead of all the pointless gossip. Because on the day of judgment the penetrating spotlight of God's all knowing justice will shine on us.
Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops. "I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more that they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him! (Luke 12:2-5 words of Jesus)
Weekend A La Carte (March 24)
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