Friday, August 7, 2009

More American Than The King James Version

Continuing on with the theme of manly men I thought it was about time to announce the arrival of a new Bible version that manly men need not be ashamed of. Are you tired of all these sissy boy perversions of the Scriptures?

Maybe you think that Eugene Petersen needs to be taken out behind the woodshed for some "contact counselling" after he wrote his fictional work "The Message". Or how about the "Green Bible" with it's carbon neutral footprint (yes it was made with recycled trees) - for people who want a Bible where baby seals were not a part of the manufacturing process. Then there's the TNIV which is the Nearly Infallible Version for those who can't stand gender stereotypes and let's face it - female chauvinists need a voice! Of course we also have the new "Poverty and Justice Bible" for social justice liberals who can't stand the real Gospel. All we need now is the "Barack Obama Bible Highlighter Pen" (otherwise known as white-out) for all those verses that don't fit with universalist theology. But amidst the haze of sissy boy versions that appease commies, greenies, feminists, and every left leaning liberal there has arrived a Bible for real men and true patriots. Ladies and gentlemen - I present to you the Chuck Norris Patriot's Bible.

I could never really understand why Mike Huckabee didn't become President. And for those of you crying "hey Cameron what about separation of church and state" don't worry. That is not a political comment but a public safety announcement. If Chuck Norris says vote Huckabee then I'm voting Huckabee. And I did . . . just in case Chuck tracks me down in Denmark! I guess no one has dared to tell him about the election of Obama for fear of a roundhouse comin' their way! If Chuck Norris makes the "boogie man" scared of the dark then I'm relieved to have him on my side.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Chuck Norris Bible!

I need one of these :-)